wickedqueen.net

I’ll say upfront that I don’t know why the hell The Internet is represented here by a charming floral arrangement of brightly colored iMacs, which haven’t been available since, god, I don’t know, my sophomore year of college? People just like Macs because they look like spaceships.** Anyway.

The take-home point here is that writers get paid 4¢ of residuals for a $19.99 DVD (yeah, I haven’t paid that much for a DVD since I was feeling despondent about relationships and Mr. & Mrs. Smith was a new release, but you know, whatever). They get the same percentage on online downloads despite the fact that, as a reasonably bright chimp could probably work out, online downloads cost the production company VIRTUALLY NOTHING (DVDs cost them, like, a quarter).

Writers get no residuals at all for screenings of their work that are streamed online–which happens to cover about half of the television I consume, now that I do not own a TV at all.*** The networks argue that streaming online content is “promotional,” but if you’ve ever watched any of it, you know that it is full of stupid-ass ads for Visa. One assumes that the networks are not screening Visa’s “promotional” material for free; in fact, we’re talking about over $4.5 billion in projected ad revenue in the next few years, which I can assure you I would not be screening here at home for fun. I watch those stupid-ass ads for Visa because they’re embedded in television programming that I actually want to see, which was written by writers who would like, you know, something more than 0¢ for their role in generating that avalanche of ad revenue.

I’ve seen some responses on YouTube that entirely miss the fucking point here. Mainly, people are upset that writers get paid a salary for writing things and then–madness!–get paid MORE MONEY when their product does well. Well, gee, do we also rage against the practice of commission sales? Who benefits most when the product does well? The writer with his/her 4¢ per DVD sale and a big box of air for all those online streams? Gee, could it be the production companies, the heads of which already get to swim around in vaults of doubloons like Scrooge McDuck?

Residuals/royalties are normal compensation for artistic endeavors. They account for the fact that you don’t KNOW how much “Happy Birthday” is going to end up being worth when you pay some schmo to write it–or, say, Pirates of the Caribbean. I know I wasn’t expecting THAT to turn into a freaking trilogy.

My friend Nick from high school has been helping out with the strike even though he’s not yet union. I got the above video link from him; you can also see photos and video from the strike on his MySpace blog.

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*Not that I’m saying this is what I DO. Although the primary reason that I don’t is laziness, followed by impatience. Which reminds me, the latest episode of Chuck should now be up on NBC.com… For which its writers will see exactly 0¢.

***I “sold” it to my sister. I think she still owes me $30. On the bright side, I didn’t have to move it again.

Thanks to wicked anomie, who posted about it first:

I am feeling a strong inclination to find one of Frontalot’s shows and throw my underwear at him. Although I suppose my dice collection might be more appropriate, as well as more likely to put out someone’s eye. Blinding someone with a d20 is nerdcore, right?

You can get the high-res version of the video at the official site, which also offers assorted merch. I am leaning toward the purple ladies t-shirt.

In case you did not play Zork and require some explanation: Grue (monster)

Greatest video ever:*

I’ve been playing a lot of turn-by-email Scrabble lately via Scrabulous, which also has a Facebook app so you can play through the Facebook interface if you prefer (which I do, mainly because I check Facebook a lot).

And if you really don’t feel like working, Name 50 states in 10 minutes. I missed four, but I’m not going to give you an edge by telling you what they were.

Not the best video in the world, certainly lacking the broad appeal of the first, but if you like a) Highlander (and/or, you know, bad TV/movies) and b) the post-apocalypse,** you cannot help but be intrigued by this totally unauthorized mystery trailer for Highlander: The Source:

The voice-over totally sounds like they slowed some tape in an attempt to mimic Ian McKellan, doesn’t it?

Thanks to Keely and j00j for the video links.

I’m going to see the Simpsons movie tonight on Travis’s recommendation. Spider-Pig better not be the funniest part.

Oh, and as I was alerted by another friend, e.l.f. (Eyes Lips Face), a make-up line, has been bought out by Nordstrom’s and is clearing out their inventory. Virtually everything is $1. The website is a little wonky, but if you get a weird message box just hit “cancel” and hit whatever link you wanted again. Let me know if you want an “All Over Color Stick” in Pink Lemonade, as I accidentally ordered two.

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*I know I say that a lot, but this time it’s REALLY TRUE, srsly. And it doesn’t even make crude insinuations about anyone from Harry Potter.

**This could be wishful thinking on my part, but it sure LOOKS kind of post-apocalyptic.

But man, I <3 Kermit the Frog, and this video clip is SO AWESOME. Although I don’t know why they didn’t use Miss Piggy for “my beautiful wife”…

Speaking of Miss Piggy, I get quotes of the day on my iGoogle homepage, and awhile back I got this one, attributed to Miss Piggy:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

Oh, Miss Piggy. I forget who told me that you are the mother of all drag queens, but I do love you.

Which, following the completely tangential nature of this post, reminds me of a friend who was once completely turned off of a beautiful woman at a party because she said something disparaging about Gonzo being “too weird.” The friend himself does an amazing (and adorable) Gonzo impression, although I don’t believe this is what triggered the fatal comment.

For some reason I had it in my head that the final Harry Potter book would be delivered to my house on Friday, causing Keely some distress at the thought that perhaps I had some kind of super special deal with Amazon. Alas, no. On the other hand, this will probably improve my work productivity on Friday, and on Saturday–well, I guess if I’m going on another 30-mile ride, I need to leave before the UPS guy shows up. Anyway.

Welcome Back, Potter:

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*I mean I really can’t. It’s not a secret. I just don’t know. It’s like Hannah Montana that way.

Paul McCartney Tells a Dirty Joke

The joke’s an old one–I knew it, anyway. But maybe you haven’t heard it, and anyway, you know you want to watch Paul McCartney tell it. Especially if you’re my sister.

For some reason, though, embedding his nervous twitch is fine:

Humorous almost-but-not-quite slash with teenage actors is okay, right? Below, a Harry Potter vid set to Avenue Q’s “If You Were Gay.” Relatively safe for work. Definitely way safer than that Kirk/Spock vid my father decided he’d just watch in his office with the door open, anyway.

(Wait for it–the very best shot is at the end.)

If you’ve never seen the 20th anniversary Goonies actors’ commentary, I highly recommend it. You can tell everyone is pretty much amazed that Sean Astin showed up.

It still fucking kills me that I missed him when he spoke at UW last year.

Thanks to sonatine for the link. I have to agree with her fervent desire for George to be our gay boyfriend.

Also: this seriously AIRED on ABC? For serious? When?

You know those videos people make of themselves where they’ve photographed themselves every day for years and then they set it to spacy music and it’s all artsy and shit?

Here in Alice’s new media literacies class, we’ve decided to call that Time Lapse Narcissism.

I josh, of course. I am hardly one to slam narcissism. Actually, I think this kind of video is a really interesting demonstration of people struggling for a sense of identity continuity–am I the same person over time? Do I have some center that exists outside the sum of experience? How has experience changed me without totally remaking me?

And you know it must speak to something deep in our lizard brains if the advertisers have stolen it in their constant search for “authenticity”:

That’s right! You have a continuous core self! It resides in a mocha latte from Dunkin’ Donuts! Without the latte you are NOTHING!

That ad should really show the guy gradually getting fatter, but I guess advertising rarely goes for COMPLETE authenticity. It also lacks the variety of change markers that the personal video has–slight changes in facial shape (possible weight gain), fairly major changes in hairstyle, a clear move from one apartment to another, etc. The advertisement version presents an overly changeless self–which may be what people want to imagine, but on the other hand, I think it’s less compelling to watch. It’s entertaining, but it is also a lie about time.

Man. Now I feel like I should make one of these. The weight changes alone would be pretty striking, and of course there is my hair.

(Thanks to Cheryl S for the video links!)